Why Can't We Do Both?

I was watching The View the other day and Whoopi asked a question that really made me think. She asked, why can't employers provide good jobs and take care of their workers? As someone who has been duped by corporate American a time or two, I was a victim of the 2007 recession. I lost my job after 14 years I went from middle class to lower class in 2.3 seconds. It was a harsh reality for me and things changed drastically. We are still seeing the effects of the job market today. There are college educated people working non-skilled jobs to make a living, and the ratio of job seekers to jobs makes it a very competitive market.

But, her question and my experience makes me believe that corporate America is no longer concerned about their workers they are all about that bottom dollar. Everyday you are sure to hear about a business either closing or laying off workers. I understand that businesses are in business to make money. But, there are other ways to trim the fat than to lay off or fire employees who are working paycheck to paycheck to take care of their families. You know it wouldn't hurt the CEO if he/she did not get a bonus that year on top of their 7 figure salary (the average CEO salary is $13.8 million... ref The Glassdoor). Most people will not make that in their lifetime.

I remember when my grandparents and parents would work at one company and retire with a pension. Now it's rare to spend your whole career at one employer and it's rare to get a pension from a company. Most companies today feel all employees are expendable. They will get another one just like you, for less pay to do the same job. I have been in the workforce for 20+ years and the changes I see makes me wonder about how it will be when my 6 year old joins the workforce.

Training Wheels for Life

This Christmas my youngest son got his first bike. He was so excited but since this was all new we were sure to get him one with training wheels. As I watched him learn the in and outs of the bike he eventually felt confident enough to take it outside and ride.

I could tell he was a little unsure at first. He was trying hard to pedal and instead of using the pedal to brake he would put his feet down like the Flintstones. He also did not realize he can use the handle bars to turn the bike left or right. But, once he got it down he was riding like a pro. Then I realize that he will still need more time to learn and have a long way before the training wheels can be taken off.

As I watched him, I thought to myself, why couldn't life give us training wheels that we can keep on until we are able to stand on our own. Well at least the first five years of adulthood when most of us make some of our life changing mistakes. When you first become an adult you are trying to figure life out as well as yourself. There is no easy answer or way to get thru this thing call life, it seems experience seems to be the best teacher. Hopefully, you will learn and gain wisdom from each experience.

I look back on some decisions I made as a young adult that I wouldn't even think of doing today lol. But, if I had training wheels (mentor) to help guide me along the way; who knows what may have happened. Who I am kidding? I would not have listened anyway

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Hello,

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!! I hope you enjoy your time with family and friends. Take this time to reflect on 2016 as it comes to end. Did you accomplish the goals you set for yourself? Did you do all the things you wanted to? If not, don't feel discouraged just take advantage of the new year to make things happen. Write down your goals and the things needed to make the goals a reality. Speak things into existence and take the steps necessary to make your dreams a reality. Once you do that get ready for the ride of your life. I wish you the best and thank you for taking the time to stop by.

Marcee'

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Milestone....He is in Kindergarten!!

Well I hope you all have been doing well. I have actually been very busy with a lot of things right now, but I felt like I should of blogged about this Milestone with my youngest son. He has started school and is in kindergarten and since day one it has been very interesting. It has been a bittersweet for me. Now that he is in big school he is no longer my baby, It's like once they start school time just flies on by. They become more independent, making friends and learning new things. I am glad to say that he really enjoys school and loves to learn. I hope he continues this attitude all throughout school that would be wonderful for me.

He got his first report card and I am confused instead of grades he has numbers, and it more like a progress report than a report card. Is this something new? With the number system there is not a pass or fail it is out of three choices. 1 means they are in discovery or first steps...2 means they are exploring and showing progress...and 3 means a connection and they are ready to apply it. I guess this is how things are done in Houston ISD.

Overall this has been a good experience for us both. We are in a new city learning new things and having brand new experiences. It is like we are both starting a new adventure. My baby is growing up (tear)

Didn't See This Coming....

The internet never ceases to amaze me. There is always something interesting, crazy and unbelievable going on. But these are my top stories for this week. Some made me sad and others I just smh in disbelief. Thank you for taking the time to read. Please feel free to comment or send you own stories to my email address below.

1.Muhammed Ali dies

2.Prince's cause of death

3.4 Sisters die in car crash I can only imagine this mother's pain

4.Arizona mom kills her 3 sons So sad

5.Mom kills son & herself at gun range smh you never know what's on a persons mind

6.Man poops on grocery store scanner...Eww!!

7.Mother and sons attacks black teen...this is ridiculous

8. Hot mugshot guy getting paroled and headed to Hollywood ...hopefully he will stay out of prison

9.Women stabbed to death by beach umbrella Oh wow..a very freak accident

Question of the week: How soon should I introduce someone to my kids?

Dear Marsay,

I have been thinking about getting back into the dating game and dating as a single mom is not easy. It can be harder because you have to find someone that is good for both you and your kids, which can be stressful. I want to know when is the best time to introduce your kids to someone you are dating?

Mary K.

Dear Mary K.,

Well you have asked a very good question. I know from personal experience it can be very hard to date as a single parent, but not impossible. I applaud you for wanting to get back out there and live your life dating, meeting new people and who knows you may meet that special someone. But, as you stated before you are a package deal and if a man is wanting more with you he has to accept your kids. But, how soon should he meet your children?

I say it depends on the relationship and if it's what you want and something you feel confident in. I would not do it before you know his true intentions. Are you in a committed relationship are you guys exclusive? If you are not sure about the status of the relationship, than you should not introduce your kids. I really can't put a time line on it because every relationship is different and some move faster/slower than others.

I believe you should have some discretion about it. I have seen situations where the children were introduced to every man their mother dated. I do not agree with or recommend this. I believe that every one you date should know you have kids, but your kids should not meet everyone you date. This is my rule to dating. I only introduced my children after the relationship grew and became exclusive and I was clear on where I stood.

I hope this helps but ultimately you will need to do what works best for you and your children. I wish you the best and good luck, the dating world is crazy.

Regards,

Marcee'

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Can a Woman Raise a Man?

Here is an article I just wrote as a guest author...

Can a Woman Raise a Man?

By Marcee’ Bonds

Depending on who you ask some would say yes and others would say no. But, from my experience majority of the no’s are from men. They explain their reasoning by stating how a woman is not a man and she doesn’t understand what the black man goes through, so on and so forth. I totally agree that we are not men and some things we will not understand but I disagree in saying that a woman can raise a man. As a single mother of two wonderful boys I believe I have been successful in my parenting in spite of their father’s absence.

I remember the anxiety I felt when it became clear I was going to be doing this alone. I had so many questions. How can I do this on my own? Who’s going to show him how to shave? Who’s going to show him how to tie a tie? What will I say when it’s time to talk about sex? I had no idea what to expect. I grew up with all sisters and my parents are married, my father was and still is around. I knew that I would need to build a support system to make this happen. But, the first priority was to get myself together emotionally and financially to provide a higher quality of life for my son.

It wasn’t always easy being a single parent. I had to be very sensitive to my son’s emotional state in this situation. There were times where I could see that he was bothered that other kid’s fathers were around and his was not. This would break my heart and upset me at the same time. I would feel helpless because I could not make his father want to be responsible. I had to figure out ways to make my son feel adequate and understand that this is not his fault.

Trying to help my son understand his father’s choice was never easy. My son always had questions about his father. He wanted to know his name, where he lived, what he looked like and etc. He was curious he wanted to know who his father was. It is very natural for a young man to long for a relationship with his father; therefore, I never took his curiosity personal. I would answer all his questions truthfully in a way that he could understand.

During the early years and up to junior high it was a lot easier to raise my son. But, once he started junior high and going through pre-adolescence he was craving more male interaction. He no longer wanted to hang out with me and go places with me. He wanted some more independence. I was not ready for it and this stage was very awkward for both of us. He started talking to me less and I really didn’t understand how to help him through this. I noticed that he would open up more to his friends or other males. I think he felt he was able to relate to them better than he could with me.

Seeing this change in him, I felt lost. I had no idea what was going on in his head and I knew that as he grows older he is really going to need some male guidance. At that point I started to reach out to my church at the time and community programs for positive male mentors. My church had stared a boy scout troop and I signed my son up for that. I am very grateful for that experience the boy scout leader was very good at keeping my son on track and he was a great role model. He would take his time to talk to my son and spent time with him outside of the weekly meetings. I really appreciated that and I could tell my son was listening to him. Being in boy scouts taught my son positive and resourceful skills he can carry throughout his life.

I also, signed my son up for Big brothers and Big sisters. This is a free service where adults volunteer their time to mentor young children. He was matched right away with a big brother who was raised by a single mother also, so they had a lot in common. That was a good experience as well. The big brother was a young successful black male and that is the type of role model I wanted my son to see.

Along with having positive role models in my son’s life, I kept him active in sports. He played them all but football was his favorite and he played from JFL all the way to high school. I figured sports was a good way to keep him busy and out of trouble. It could also help him with his social skills and his coaches could be good role models. I sacrificed and attended every single game and practice. As I stated earlier, in the beginning of his football playing my son would be bothered when the others kid’s fathers were in the stands or on the sidelines; but by the time he was playing in high school it was a non-factor, his father’s absence became expected.

I remember during my son’s senior year in high school he became very angry with his father. I had never seen him that upset he even threatened violence on him. I will never forget that moment, I had to talk my son out of doing something stupid. By this time my son had met his father, they only met once and my son realized that his father missed out on being a part of his life. They did try to build a relationship but unfortunately it did not work out. I am not sure how his father feels about the situation or what he expected to happen. I assume it was very uncomfortable for both of them, but my goal was to support my son in whatever choice he made.

Fortunately, I did not experience some of the negative consequences that most single mothers go through with their sons, but I still had to deal with the emotional issues that come with it. I believe that doing what I mentioned here along with what’s in my book assisted with getting us to this point. My son is an adult now and he has never been in any trouble, he has not succumbed to violence and he is being very responsible. We have overcome the stereotypes and statistics for the black single parent home and I am very proud of the man my son has become.

Marcee’ Bonds is the author of A Single Mother’s Point of View: Raising a Black Man. Copies are currently available on Amazon for purchase and download. If you would like to contact the author send inquiries to info@marceebonds.com