Hello,
I am so excited about the opportunities that social media gives us to connect and reach out to each other. I am going to start using Facebook live on my page weekly. I will discuss various topics, talk about my book and answer your questions about parenting.
Send your questions or topic suggestions to:
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Regards,
Marcee' Bonds
www.marceebonds.com
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Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Thursday, June 22, 2017
How do you explain death to your children?
Hello,
Unfortunately, my father died unexpectedly two weeks ago. As I was going thru the emotions of the shock and helping my mom with the funeral arrangements, I was on the fence about taking my 6 year old to the funeral. On one hand I was like this is his grandfather and he knew him even though a short time this would be the last time he would ever see him. Do I deny him to see him one last time? But on the other hand I was thinking will my son even understand what is going on. My child is very inquisitive so I knew he would ask me a bunch of questions about the whole experience. I thought long and hard about it.
I remembered my first experience with death. My paternal grandfather died when I was 9 years old. There was no discussion with my parents about what I was going to experience, but I still have the memory of that experience. I really didn't understand the concept and I didn't understand why everyone was crying and carrying on. But, from that moment I associated funerals as a sad and overwhelming experience. I wasn't sure if I wanted to expose my 6 year old to that experience and let that be his first. I understand death is something we all will have to deal with it but at what age do you explain it to your children.
I decided to take my son to the funeral. He was already aware of what was going on because he was with my mom when she found my dad. I wasn't sure how he would handle it because the kids were at a family members house while the coroner was there doing the things that needed to be done. So this would be the first time he seen his grandfather as well as a dead person as well as going to a funeral. I was a little hesitant but I concluded that I did not want him to regret that he did not pay his last respects to his grandfather.
As I anticipated, he asked a lot of questions during the funeral and it was hard for me to grieve and be a mom at the same time. But he asked away and I answered to my best ability. He went to the bathroom about 3 times during the service, mind you we are seated at the front of the church. He did cry a little but I think that was because everyone else was crying. Then he was playing with his cousins that were sitting behind him. I eventually gave him my phone to watch cartoons on YouTube. That kept him quiet during the rest of the service. But, it did not stop there of course he had questions once we got to the cemetery. At this time I let him stay in the van and watch his shows. I wanted to pay my last respects in peace.
I am not sure how my son feels about the whole thing. Based on his behavior it was just something we did for grandpa. I think he finally understands what was going on it took him some time to process it. A few days later after we came back home, he did say "I miss grandpa" and my response was "we all do".
Of course this will be an on going discussion. I will make myself available to talk to him about it and provide answers he can understand. I am glad that I did decide to take him. Sometimes as parents we overthink things I was worried about him and he handled it a lot better than I expected him to.
Marcee' Bonds
Email: info@marceebonds.com
www.marceebonds.com
Like me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter
Unfortunately, my father died unexpectedly two weeks ago. As I was going thru the emotions of the shock and helping my mom with the funeral arrangements, I was on the fence about taking my 6 year old to the funeral. On one hand I was like this is his grandfather and he knew him even though a short time this would be the last time he would ever see him. Do I deny him to see him one last time? But on the other hand I was thinking will my son even understand what is going on. My child is very inquisitive so I knew he would ask me a bunch of questions about the whole experience. I thought long and hard about it.
I remembered my first experience with death. My paternal grandfather died when I was 9 years old. There was no discussion with my parents about what I was going to experience, but I still have the memory of that experience. I really didn't understand the concept and I didn't understand why everyone was crying and carrying on. But, from that moment I associated funerals as a sad and overwhelming experience. I wasn't sure if I wanted to expose my 6 year old to that experience and let that be his first. I understand death is something we all will have to deal with it but at what age do you explain it to your children.
I decided to take my son to the funeral. He was already aware of what was going on because he was with my mom when she found my dad. I wasn't sure how he would handle it because the kids were at a family members house while the coroner was there doing the things that needed to be done. So this would be the first time he seen his grandfather as well as a dead person as well as going to a funeral. I was a little hesitant but I concluded that I did not want him to regret that he did not pay his last respects to his grandfather.
As I anticipated, he asked a lot of questions during the funeral and it was hard for me to grieve and be a mom at the same time. But he asked away and I answered to my best ability. He went to the bathroom about 3 times during the service, mind you we are seated at the front of the church. He did cry a little but I think that was because everyone else was crying. Then he was playing with his cousins that were sitting behind him. I eventually gave him my phone to watch cartoons on YouTube. That kept him quiet during the rest of the service. But, it did not stop there of course he had questions once we got to the cemetery. At this time I let him stay in the van and watch his shows. I wanted to pay my last respects in peace.
I am not sure how my son feels about the whole thing. Based on his behavior it was just something we did for grandpa. I think he finally understands what was going on it took him some time to process it. A few days later after we came back home, he did say "I miss grandpa" and my response was "we all do".
Of course this will be an on going discussion. I will make myself available to talk to him about it and provide answers he can understand. I am glad that I did decide to take him. Sometimes as parents we overthink things I was worried about him and he handled it a lot better than I expected him to.
Marcee' Bonds
Email: info@marceebonds.com
www.marceebonds.com
Like me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter
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