Hello everyone,
It has been a while since my last post and I will try to increase my activity but I also want to give you all interesting things to read. My son had an incident at school yesterday and my reaction was different than how society expects a male to behave. I will explain.
I picked my son up from school and he starts with he had the worse day ever. I asked him, "Why? What happened? They have a free time or ancillary as they call it and he was not able to play. They have peer monitors and it was three little girls yelling and bullying him saying things like " He can't play. They will throw him outside, etc". I asked him more details but long story short the yelling got him upset and he said he cried about it.
I had to catch myself, because my first thought was to tell him, you don't cry. But, I decided to let him know that his feelings were hurt and it was okay to cry and the next time they yell like that just walk away. He was satisfied with that answer and decided that tomorrow will be a better day and that he will not get so upset and walk away from situations that make him feel uncomfortable. I was feeling relieved tuat he is learning to channel his feelings in a positive way.
We went to the neighborhood store and while checking out he was talking with the cashier about school and his day. He proceeded to tell her what happened and that what happened made him cry. I believe she believed she was helping. She begins to tell my son, "You don't cry. Don't cry in front of your friends. You do that in your room Never let them see you weak. Don't do it."
I clearly rebutted what she said and again clarified things to my son. It is okay to show emotion you were hurt. My son's situation started me to thinking that men are always expected to not show emotion but they are very emotional. Unfortunately, these boys grow up being emotionally unavailable men in all their relationships, not because they want to it's because they have been taught to do this all their lives.
I know I have experienced this in past relationships, all my needs were met except for my emotional needs. I believe most men think as long as they are present and provide for you that is enough. This behavior is so expected that when a man is emotional and sensitive he is considered, soft, weak, less of a man, or having feminine ways. Why is that?
I believe it is okay for men to show emotion, but most times anger is the only emotion they will show to express how they feel. When in reality they want to be loved and needed just like women do. But, how do you ask for that as a strong man? Instead of trying to figure it out they suppress their feelings and hurt a lot of people along they way. Our emotionally health is very important, most irrational decision are triggered by our emotions. Over time, and with maturity most men will let their guard down but it is not an easy feat.
I admire men who are in touch emotionally. My goal is to teach my son to be able to express how he feels. I believe, having pent up feelings over time may lead to destructive behaviors such as abuse, drugs, etc. I hope that one day a man can feel confident and not ridiculed because he is being emotional.
Marcee' Bonds
Author of A Single Mother's Point of View Raising a Black Man
Available on Amazon
www.marceebonds.com
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