No Wonder Men are Emotionally Unavailable

Hello everyone,
It has been a while since my last post and I will try to increase my activity but I also want to give you all interesting things to read. My son had an incident at school yesterday and my reaction was different than how society expects a male to behave. I will explain.

I picked my son up from school and he starts with he had the worse day ever. I asked him, "Why? What happened?  They have a free time or ancillary as they call it and he was not able to play. They have peer monitors and it was three little girls yelling and bullying him saying things like " He can't play. They will throw him outside, etc". I asked him more details but long story short the yelling got him upset and he said he cried about it.

I had to catch myself, because my first thought was to tell him, you don't cry. But, I decided to let him know that his feelings were hurt and it was okay to cry and the next time they yell like that just walk away. He was satisfied with that answer and decided that tomorrow will be a better day and that he will not get so upset and walk away from situations that make him feel uncomfortable. I was feeling relieved tuat he is learning to channel his feelings in a positive way.

We went to the neighborhood store and while checking out he was talking with the cashier about school and his day. He proceeded to tell her what happened and that what happened made him cry.  I believe she believed she was helping. She begins to tell my son, "You don't cry. Don't cry in front of your friends. You do that in your room Never let them see you weak. Don't do it."

I clearly rebutted what she said and again clarified things to my son. It is okay to show emotion you were hurt. My son's situation started me to thinking that men are always expected to not show emotion but they are very emotional. Unfortunately, these boys grow up being emotionally unavailable men in all their relationships, not because they want to it's  because they have been taught to do this all their lives.

I know I have experienced this in past relationships, all my needs were met except for my emotional needs.  I believe most men think as long as they are present and provide for you that is enough.  This behavior is so expected that when a man is emotional and sensitive he is considered, soft, weak, less of a man,  or having feminine ways. Why is that?

I believe it is okay for men to show emotion, but most times anger is the only emotion they will show to express how they feel. When in reality they want to be loved and needed just like women do. But, how do you ask for that as a strong man?  Instead of trying to figure it out they suppress their feelings and hurt a lot of people along they way.  Our emotionally health is very important, most irrational decision are triggered by our emotions. Over time, and with maturity most men will let their guard down but it is not an easy feat.

I admire men who are in touch emotionally. My goal is to teach my son to be able to express how he feels.  I believe, having pent up feelings over time may lead to destructive behaviors such as abuse, drugs, etc.  I hope that one day a man can feel confident and not ridiculed because he is being emotional.

Marcee' Bonds
Author of A Single Mother's Point of View Raising a Black Man
Available on Amazon
www.marceebonds.com
Like me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter

My 7 Year Old Just Taught Me a Lesson About Motivation

Hello,
I hope this finds you in great spirits.  I just had an experience with my 7 year old that showed me how motivation really works.

We are currently working on a project. It is a little mundane and boring but a way to earn a little money with no effort at all, very easy but it will take a while to complete.

So we are working on the project and he is dragging and has no interest at all. He is giving me the "Why am I doing this mom?" attitude or "this is so boring".  His lack of enthusiasm has made the project more tedious than it really is.

 He asked me a question, " Mom, am I helping you to make money?"  I thought to myself yes he is and I told him the same. He gave me a disappointed look like okay I will do this because you are my mom, but this really sucks lol.

So, after a quick second, I said "Hey, if you do this and it works, I will give you $10.00". His eyes lit up and he said with so much excitement, "$10.00!!! I can buy snacks or a toy" From that point he was ready to get this project done. Before I had to tell him to come on let's do it but now I have to slow him down and tell him to wait. He is ready and eager to get this done because now he is motivated because he wants that $10.00.

It was at that moment, I realized that the best way to get people to help you is to offer an incentive to them.  Even though ideally we would like help with no expectations but for the most part people help others to get something in return rather it is acknowledgement, monetary or self satisfaction.


Marcee' Bonds
Author of A Single Mother's Point of View Raising a Black Man
www.marceebonds.con

Like on Facebook
Follow on Twitter

Mother's Day Success

I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day.  I enjoyed mine but now it is back to the hustle of work. I wrote a Mother's Day poem this year and the response has been overwhelming and I decided to make it available for download as a keepsake.

The poem is written on a lovely red rose that helps to bring out the emotion of each word. The download is only .99 cents and the first 5 downloads are free!!

Click here to download 

Thank you,

Marcee' Bonds

Mother's Day

I hope you all have a wonderful mother's day.  I wrote this poem for those who have lost their mother

Mother's Day

This is the day we celebrate mothers
Easy for some but hard for others

Some days are happy some are sad
But we take the good with the bad

Scraps; scars and boo boos she kissed
Her touch and hugs are truly missed

She works as hard as she loves
 It shines bright like a diamond
Here on earth
Or watching from heaven above

Caring comes natural to her
Her heart is made of gold
You remember what she taught you
As you grow old

Time changes the strong woman who once
Did it all
To the point she can't remember who she just called

Her love for you never changes
Even though her mind is fading

Don't be sad because she is weak and frail
Be proud that she raised you to be smart, strong and to always prevail

She took care of you
Now take care of her
Until she earns her wings
And leaves this earth

Don't be down when she leaves
Rejoice!
Her spirit lives on in you
She left instructions on what to do

Always do and give your best
Pray about everything
and God will handle the rest

Two Weeks from Today...coming out soon 6/3/2018

Hello all,
I will be releasing a new book of poems on 6/3/2018. The title of the book is Two Weeks from Today. This book is a series of poems dedicated to my father who passed away unexpectedly on 6/3/2017. I wrote this book in honor of his memory and to help me deal with my grief.

Stay tuned. I will continue to post updates.

Best regards,
Marcee' Bonds
www.marceebonds.com